


So full of love

by deceptionGrin



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series), Fantasy High
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Future Fic, Light Angst, M/M, Near Future, Pining, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23063383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deceptionGrin/pseuds/deceptionGrin
Summary: tbh i wrote this in like an hour because i was thinking abt how it feels to be gay at a sleepover and also how college is intimidating af
Relationships: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster
Comments: 12
Kudos: 245





	So full of love

After the going away party, Riz and Fabian crashed in Riz’s small bed. It had been a fairly quiet affair, all things considered, but the pair were still exhausted from being awake for so long. It was at Strongtower Luxury apartments, a goodbye to the decrepit building that had sheltered so many of them for so long, and after everyone passed out in varying cramped corners in Riz’s apartment, the two boys clambered into Riz’s too-small bed like they so often did.

In a few days, they would all be off to different post-graduation destinations – Kristen and Riz to Darkmouth University in Bastion City, Adaine and Ayda travelling to Throshk further north to study astronomy, Fig and Gorgug going back on tour, bringing rock to the rest of the world, and Fabian heading south to the new elven settlement in Silvair to train in the performing arts. They all knew, of course, that they had teleportation, and their crystals, and that their four year strong friendship would last in the absence, it was still a strange prospect to not be there, physically, every day for each other. The ease of being in a small town and knowing that your support network was never far away was a comfort. There was something unspoken in the air that night, and they’d all clung to each other just a little tighter, their smiles not quite as bright.

The bad kids had discussed, obviously, if they should just not go into higher education, instead become full-time adventurers. They could get back in the hangvan and travel the continent without a deadline, just moving where the wind took them. But they knew, of course, that if they wanted to get around in the world outside Elmville, they needed to be patient. It still hurt, a hole in Fabian’s chest, to know that he couldn’t just call upon the hangman to take him to see Gorgug, or Adaine, or any of the bad kids when he was feeling low anymore. He supposed that was part of growing up – learning how to newly communicate over great distances, and to appreciate the physical presence more when it did happen.

Fabian curled further into his pillow, staring at Riz’s back as his breath evened out, but Fabian was wide awake. He was, after all, still excited to set off on his own, gaining some independence post-graduation, even if underneath his joy was a low simmer of fear. He knew, logically, that they were never too far apart, and summer would come, and they would be there, and quests would be taken up, and they would reunite, and yet…

After all those years taking advantage of the consistency of his presence, Fabian still hadn’t told Riz how he felt. Now, he felt the inches of sheet between them like a chasm.

Fabian couldn’t remember the exact moment he fell in love, or began to crush, or even when he realised, completely, that he was interested in men in the first place. Maybe it was when Riz came back from a weeklong detective conference over the summer after sophomore year, and he had the scruff of facial hair unshaved, and Fabian had to take a moment to stop himself from running a thumb over Riz’s cheek. Or, maybe it was Ostentatia Wallace’s 18th birthday, when he saw Riz put a hand on some guy Fabian didn’t knows arm, and he felt his stomach twist in a flash of jealousy. It could’ve been back in sophomore year, when he was feverish, sick with guilt, and Riz posted up in the armchair next to his bed, watching over him to make sure Kalina didn’t hurt him. Even when she did, he had never been so grateful that Riz was there.

Or maybe it was when he woke up one day in junior year on a morning like any morning, and he was looking at Riz, who was already awake next to him in Fabian’s huge bed, squinting through his glasses and filling in a sudoku puzzle on his crystal, his hair mussed and tongue poking out as he concentrated, and Fabian thought to himself _“I could wake up to this every day and be happy.”_

No matter when it happened, since the moment he knew, he pinned for Riz.

Fabian wasn’t dumb. Sure, he wasn’t smart like Adaine or Riz, or insightful like Fig and Gorgug, or wise like Kristen, but he never pretended the way Riz looked at him in Sophomore year wasn’t with longing. He was too self-absorbed to do anything about it back then, too busy trying to make himself think only of Aelwyn (and look where that got him). By the time he knew he liked Riz back, the looks Riz gave him had changed from nervous to easy affection, eyes bright with laughter and the openness that came with years of friendship. Riz learned to move on. For a long time, Fabian was content with that, as even without his romantic feelings, Riz was well and truly his best friend. As they got further into senior year though…

Fabian ached.

He often wondered if this was the curse for his hubris growing up so narcissistic and self-absorbed, to fall in love at the wrong time, to fall out of love too soon, to constantly be shifting in a cycle without ever feeling the rewards of reciprocated love. Or, his less dramatic side told him, maybe he was just too late, or too soon, or not enough, or always too much, swinging wildly between the affection styles of Bill and Hallariel. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy Riz with his affection, or grow cold and distant in an attempt to protect his own heart.

Fabian blinks and focuses back on the man beside him. His breathing was even, his arms curled around a smaller pillow, body crushed against the far wall to make room for Fabian. Goblin beds weren’t exactly built for jacked humans. How often had he stared at that back, thinking about rolling over and holding Riz? At this point the desire wasn’t even a surprise anymore. Fabian startles himself with the thought that, just for once, he _could_. Just reach out and hold him.

Fabian feels his face warm up.

They’d cuddled before, which had made Fabian’s nerves alight every time Riz touched his skin, and Riz was always more than happy too, but this was different. Fabian so rarely initiated touch, or affections of any kind with people. Maybe his touch-starved brain made these things more terrifying than they were, but he knew that if Riz was awake, he’d be able to figure out that it wasn’t an accident they were cuddling. The thought shouldn’t scare him, friends hugged all the time, and yet he hesitated.

A cautious hand moved towards Riz a moment later. Just for the night, just before they go their separate ways for the next few months.

He wrapped an arm around Riz’s waist and pulled him back from the wall slightly, slotting himself into Riz’s back and tucking his arm under their pillow. Riz shifted in his sleep, making a little noise in the back of his throat. Beyond what Fabian could see, Riz smiled to himself as Fabian pulled him closer, settling against his back. He turned to tuck himself against Fabian’s chest. Fabian was completely still as Riz settled back down, waiting for the other boy to recoil when he realised what was happening. But the world continued to turn – the air was warm, and Fabian’s heart beat itself against his ribcage like a hummingbird.

“I can hear you thinking, s’okay.” He mumbled. Fabian let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. He brushed a hand over Riz’s hair.

“I’m… I’m gonna miss you.” He whispered. “So much.”

Riz huffed a laugh. “Love you too.”

Fabian didn’t know who he or any of the other bad kids would be tomorrow, in a year, what would happen after college. He hoped to be stronger, as always, but he hoped to learn to be more open. He felt like his chest had been flayed right now, holding the person he wanted to spend forever with. He hoped the next time he was with Riz he would have no fear in telling him how he felt; he wanted to learn the exact words in every language to describe the sensation of his chest tightening and his brain melted every time Riz looked at him. A year was a long time to go without seeing someone, and 3 without living near them was agonising, but Fabian hoped Riz would still be there.

Even if they weren’t together, this would have been enough.


End file.
